...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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