Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
