What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
