im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
