oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
