the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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