I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
