I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
