Your dad touched me again.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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