I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
