can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
