Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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