I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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