OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
