You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
we're so committed to being not committed
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
