the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
