Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
