just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
