I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
