Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
