Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
