I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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