Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He did a backflip because drugs
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
