I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
