i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
