No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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