Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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