It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
