This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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