were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
