mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
