i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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