I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
