I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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