a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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