Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
