better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
