But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
