I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
