We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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