dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
