Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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