if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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