am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
