I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
