and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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