he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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