They should really pass out barf bags in church
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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