How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
