So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Randomize
